Friday, December 18, 2009

Marriage: A personal view

My parents / relatives feel that I need to get married. They have started to check the horoscope match. However, I am devoid of any intentions to get married in near future.

My thoughts took me to a place where I started questioning my ‘eligibility’ for marriage.

Just for fun, I searched in google the word ‘marriage’. Ignoring the first two sponsored advertisement results the next one was the link to Wikipedia- - .

According to wiki the definition is as follows – ‘Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic. Such a union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is usually called a wedding and the marital structure created is known as wedlock.’

I am still unable to completely absorb the ‘idea’ of marriage.

Why do people get married? Is it like 90% of the crowd gets happiness if they get married and so you too need to? Some say it is the rule of nature to pass on your heritage and so you need to get married for perpetuating your genes??

Whatever may be the reason for getting married, I am not dwelling on the reasons to get married.

Instead, I am more interested in realizing or rather putting down the points that might declare the eligibility of someone to get married.

I realize that the inner self of identifying who you are would alter your instincts.

Today, you might be someone and tomorrow after reading some books, watching a movie, discussing new thoughts, etc you might be elevated to a position where you would be fed with new thoughts. Those thoughts would provoke your identity and might alter it to a different level altogether.

It might be the experiences, it might be the impressions of others around you, and it might be circumstances.

From Lalbagh

I might not be eligible because
  • I am still not convinced within myself with the theme of so called ‘unconditional love’ or legal or social union.
  • I am still not clear whether I can be (or become) a better half of an individual till my last breath.
  • I consider myself as a 'nomad' - I wish to roam endlessly.
  • I am more interested in roads which are unknown. - I don’t want to do a ‘wed lock’ in between which might lock my ‘freedom of nomadism’.
  • I might like more than one person at a time which might again be ‘wrong’ as per marriage acts?
  • I always wish to change and I prefer to ignore the condition of ‘not to change because you are married
  • I don’t want the clause ‘you are married’ to clutter any of my natural instincts or thoughts to get locked at any point in time.
What I might be eligible for:
  • To share time & space with a ‘human’ who is interested in spending time & space with me.
  • To be with someone who might be able to be 'happy' with me (after understanding my ineligibilities for marriage).
  • To be with someone who can appreciate the concept of ‘communication’.
I hate being lonely, so someday..

May be I might get ‘married’
May be ‘marriage’ might hunt me down
May be I will redefine ‘marriage’ and then accept it in my own way.

PS: All the above given thoughts are completely personal – this is just a reflection of true self. As I always do - comments, critiques, thoughts are welcome


Deepak said...

Whether to get married and why are questions that no one else can answer for you. But one thing is sure, contemplating about ones own marriage is a nice philosophical exercise.

But unfortunately, for me, all these why questions finally reduce to the question of "why do we live" (the purpose of our life), which I know for sure is not easy to answer. And hence all the questions that lead to it also remain unanswered.

Haddock said...

I hate being lonely, so someday........
You have summed up the whole thing in those 6 words above.
So just wait for that "someday"
(but finally when you take the plunge please don't go by the "horoscope" - its all man made)

bharat chandran said...

@ Deepak - I agree to the fact that I am equally hunted by question of 'Purpose of life'- however as Steve Jobs said, 'life is like connecting the dots- it can only be connected backwards.'

@Haddock - Coz I hate loneliness doesnt mean that I need to get married right?

Madhuri said...

Liking two people at the same time is possible. In fact, it happens to people all the time. Even when you are married it is bound to happen. As long as you acknowledge it and dont act on it, and your partner understands that, it should be ok.

Vaish said...

I am not sure if I've tried to answer all your questions. Here is the link:

Deepak said...

Ya Bharat, we may be wise only in retrospection. But then it doesn't help us out of many decision moments.

abhilash warrier said...

hey Bharat,

Well put down. I agree with you. Good points to ponder before you get married or not.

abhilash warrier said...

hey watch "The Last Kiss"... I think, you will love this movie the way I did.

bharat chandran said...

@ Madhuri - As per 'marriage norms', we are not previleged enough to act on anything except with our own partner!! - I second.

@ Anu - It was really interesting to go through your points Anu.Replied to your post in your blog.

@ Deepak - I agree Deepak.

@ Abhilash - Nice to know one more person on earth agrees with my view. :-) . I will watch 'the last kiss' and let you know my comments.

bharat chandran said...

@Abhilash, I watched the movie 'The Last Kiss'- Nice movie & Thanks for suggesting. Here is my musing after the same -

restless said...

You have the capability to speak your mind...that too in an effective way... which very few people have. Keep it up.

About marriage, i agree with most of the points.

But, it can be a beautiful jouney, only if we know every person has his or her own space, and, of course a lot more things... won't be able to write in one comment.

but u have give me some food for thought. thanks.

and keep blogging!


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