Friday, December 31, 2010

3 Points on the Last day

The clock is ticking as usual and we are entering the last day of the year 2010.

I have always been an illusionist. This year, I went beyond the control of my mind and crossed the limits of extremes. Well, don't get confused, I will explain in brief.

I am getting an intuitive feeling that I should list the top three of mistakes of year 2010 so that none should repeat it? Well honestly, it is more of sharing the mistakes?

1. I trusted what I others told me – Beware, don’t believe what others tell you. Listen to it, but don’t absorb. People can change their face momentarily; they might be using their masks. We will never know their intentions?? Their real intentions.

Things might turn around the table and you would end up in some weird situations. You might even get accused for things which you were not even aware of. Sometimes curses come to you for reasons not known to you.

Of course yes, there would be saviors out there who might give you a helping hand to get you out of it. Still it is painful, really painful to undergo such situations.

I don’t mean to say that we shouldn’t trust others. It is just that we need to be careful.

2. Take good care of health – Trust me the statement ‘health is wealth’ is so true. We won’t realize it unless we get ill. I myself as well as people close to me went through a lot of health issues this year. 

For the first time in my life I got admitted to hospital. I have undergone incidents where I got my full body anesthesia and got into state of deep unconsciousness. Unless we undergo the health issues, we won’t realize how healthy and blessed we are during our normal life.

Basically, it is always better to meet the doctor, take medicines at time and get back to normal shape when we are ill. It will not only saves us but also it will make others close to us happy.

Life is all about health. 

3. Ensure you get close to people who are of your league. - I got close to people whom I felt as right ones.

Everyone can go wrong and so me. I went close to people who were different than I thought.

So it is always better to take more time, be patient and then get close. I have always been very impulsive. May be I might become more matured in due course of life. In fact I wish, I would become like that :-)

Take time to know the other person, be patient - yes yes, I could never been like that, still I wish, I really wish, I could be more patient :-)

This year gifted me a lot of painful moments. Of course yes, I had some nice moments as well.  Still, I could survive the dark age due to light brought by others around me.

There will be someone to save us and there will always be as long as we have a spark inside us.

All we need to do is to spread happiness, part our soul and spread it around. Souls of our nature will definitely come towards us, offer us hands to get together, gift us with memorable moments.

End of the day, life is all about these moments right?
Moments of happiness!

So believe in yourself and start your walk. 
Walk towards the new year

May you have your new hopes & new destinations
May new souls come towards you
May old souls be close to you
May this new year bring the best out of you
May you meet new best & loved ones

Who will share, motivate, inspire you
Who will help you realise what you really are

Let us join together  & welcome the New Year!
I am sure this new year is going to be different
Different from all the new years we had!!

PS:  I acknowledge all the souls who gave me hand to cross this year 2010! I am indebted to you all! I submit my life to you all!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Stressed out?

There are many times in life when we feel that we are done! You know, really like done with this stuff! May be even with this life!

We might think why did we get into this?

We will wish, really wish we shouldn’t have got into such situations in life.

Nevertheless life is never as we planned it to be or what we expected it to be.

So as one of my old friends told me, ’why don’t we embrace and enjoy the stressful moments? ’. I know, I am sounding awkward here. Still, don't you think it is all about how we see it? Let us just ask ourselves ‘Is it possible to think in a different way?

A story comes to my mind which was shared by Ajit, couple of years back.

There was a lady whose mother was at the hospital. She used to leave office early during lunch hours to get lunch for her mother. Since she was the only child, it was all her responsibility to check and ensure that her mom was in good shape and getting better day by day.

During initial days everything was fine, she was able to manage her office works while helping her mom at the hospital. However, after a period of time, she started feeling bad, she felt irritated at times, and even started asking ‘Why do I need to do all these things? Why is it happening to me?

One day while leaving to hospital she told her colleague, ‘See I need to go and meet my mom, huh…. What to do it has become my duty and I need to finish it

‘You know, you should say, you get to meet your mom’, said her colleague.

'why did you say I get to meet my mom’, she asked

You won’t believe, my mom passed away few weeks back and  I really wish I could get one more chance to meet her’, was the response.

So coming back, maybe we are given a chance to get stressed out and may be it might be one of the best times that we might be having in our life when we look back.

You won’t believe, at these stressful moments we are not realizing that we are given a chance.

All we might need to do is to tell ourselves this - ‘this is a chance where I get to do things, which might not come again? And let me try my best to overcome’.

What you say? Is it not a better way?

PS: When I used to say  'I am forced to do and I don't have a choice' (trust me, completely irritated), Ajit used to correct me - He reminded me to tell myself - 'I get to do' - and not 'I am forced to do'. Thanks to Ajit, I still remember those words.

Friday, December 24, 2010

She & Herself

She wants to be away
Away from me, away from him
Away from everyone

She felt helpless
She wanted energy
So she went alone
Alone into her world

She closed the doors & windows
She shut herself in darkness
To gain the strength
For, she wanted to be herself
She wanted to shout
She wanted to announce
She wanted to take off her veil
Still, inside her she had a wish
A wish that she will have him
He who can understand her
Who could see all her facets?
For she had two sides
Both the dark and bright one
Both residing within her
All praised the bright one
Yet, none saw her dark side
She wanted to merge
Merge both the sides
So she can be real
She struggled
She suffered 
She absorbed the pain
Without letting anyone know
Covering her true self
Not just from me or him
But from everyone
She put her nice smile
And everyone thinks she is happy!
Don’t you know she is not?
Don’t you know she is longing?
Don’t you know she is not just her?
Let her phase of transcendence begin
Let us all wait for her in silence
While she is shedding off her old skin
Getting ready for her reincarnation
Time will then arrive
When New Year brings in the light
The light will open her closed doors
And show us her new avatar!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Smoke, a story of dust

The dust came by for a talk
I invited him and we started

‘Where is smoke?’ Dust asked
I said, ‘I don’t know’
Then dust began his talk
A talk where I was a listener
A listener of dust's story

‘I need a shape and so I need smoke’ dust started
Smoke brings me life
Smoke gives me shape
Smokes adds my beauty

Where is she?
I need her now

For smoke is my soul
She covers me
She floats all over me
She excites me with her tricks

She makes me feel she is mine
Though I know she is not mine

I enjoy her tricks
For she knows how to play
She amuse me with her games
She even makes me dance

When breeze added more steps to the dance
She told me to follow her legs
I followed her with no questions asked

Dancing made her happy
May be she is happy; to see me happy
I need her now
For she knows me
Though from distance
Though not completely

If you see her, can you tell?

Tell her, I was in search,
Search for my soul
Soul belonging to her
Which is not mine

Where is smoke?
Did you see her?

I need her back
Back at least for a moment
 For she has my life
She will bring my soul

Smoke, where are you?
Can you come back for a moment?
A moment at least?

And then may the wind come
And may the wind wash me away
Away with you and me
Where we both vanish?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Sleepless Moments

All I think is about her
She came as a stranger
She made me feel familiar
She did her magic
And she stole my calmness

I won’t blame her
May be, I long for her
May be she is an angel
May be she will later turn to a witch

I know her only through her words
Neither did I hear, nor did I meet

Feelings for her creep inside me
It attained the strength, 
A severe strength to wake me up

Finally, it succeeded
And I failed

I am not sad; though I failed
It’s after all thoughts of her
May be it is not just thoughts
May be it is she by herself

May be she came invisible
Just to wake me up
From the bed I chose to sleep

Now I am awake
I know she needs someone
Someone to protect her
She knows how to hide
Hide things from everyone

Here now I am
Awake from deep sleep
Just to let her know
That I am there for her
To protect her
As long as I can
And to let her sleep
As long as she can..

So that I too can sleep again!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Becoming a victim

Ravi looked at the clock hanging on the wall facing his couch, feeling so lonely & bored. It was 11:30 AM and he was just done with his breakfast. 'Oh, one routine activity of having food is over', he thought. 

The old school notice was lying on his table - ‘Invitation for Inauguration Ceremony’. He knew, he was invited. 'Should I be going for this event ?', he asked himself. He felt haunted by thoughts of her.

While sitting in the couch and embracing new spirits gifted by cool breeze, he watched her. She was walking hastily towards the other side. Today is something different and he felt it as well. The light had its natural way of reaching the room bypassing the window curtain.

‘May be the sun is brighter early today? Or May be I am not being completely here in this planet?’, he did his usual self lame talk.

'Well, maybe I should go pick her up and meet? Or maybe I shouldn't?', it appeared as a tough decision for him to make.

It was yesterday when he met her. She said, 'you are a stranger to me, though familiar'. For him she was a stranger and she still is. Nevertheless, she stood out from the others whom he met.

'Well, everyone is unique in their own ways, and it is all up to us on how we interpret it? Or is it that she is someone really different?'

He always thought too much. May be those extra thoughts bought him a different glow inside, a kind of self-satisfaction? 

He felt, he needed to know more about her, to explore and understand what she is, what kind of person she is, what kind of thought process she had? Well it was a very long list.

He wanted to ask her in detail, though he himself was not clear about what he needs or what he expected.

Finally when he started asking her, she concluded the discussion saying, ‘when you dig deeper chances of you falling in are high!’. He got confused and asked her again what she meant.

She told, ‘oh I was thinking I was talking to someone else?, sorry it was not meant for you!’

May be she was talking to someone else or May be she was not, but words of ‘falling in’ kept him occupied.

A moment of pause, and then she said, ‘it’s ok; but you too could become a victim, a part of already long list. Now, I need to leave, you take care.'

He woke up from the thoughts of yesterday and decided to get ready for the inauguration.

'After all, I should attend the function. May be, I should try to meet her again.', he said to himself.

PS: I dedicate this story to the motivator.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Being Simple

"The answer is simple" – Simple is always more effective a response than, "well, it's complicated.", Seth godin said in his blog. Don’t you feel it is so true?

We always complicate things. May be there is something innate in us which makes us pursue the complex things and solve?

Well as someone said, ‘it is not the kill’- but the thrill of search and finding it? Is it mostly on how capable we are in showing off to others either by solving the complex things or by creating complex things?

  • Solving the problem: When we find solutions to the complicated things we get better by other appreciating us- just because we did something which most of the others are unable to do.
  • Creating Complexity: It may be just to get attention, we complicate things. We just confuse people so that they just listen to what we say. The sole objective is to bring in the curiosity in others so that they will try to figure out what we are saying or trying to convey.
We genuinely feel better when we do either of the above. However, learning how to complicate things and then unwinding it to a simple thing and letting others realize how simple it was is not an easy task.

Let me not complicate things, at least not in this post.

To put it in simple words, simple things are something which is called as ‘common sense’.

The beauty of common sense is, it is not so common. And why? Because this common sense concept is in a way complex if we go deeper.

Still, it appears simple. That is the beauty of being simple; yet complex enough not to let anyone else realize how complicated it is.

As Seth said in his post, ‘You can't sell complicated to someone who came to you to buy simple.’

Nevertheless there are people out there who get happy solving complicated things. May be it is just fun for them.

Friday, December 10, 2010


Let us listen to a chat conversation to start with.

Guy: ‘Is there anyone there? Or Am I just sending messages to nowhere?’
Gal: ‘haha, hey here’
Guy: ‘Oh so you are alive and I believe you are not some ghost ? I have been sending hi hello for a couple of days and no response from the other end. ‘

Gal: ‘oh, i'm extremely sorry my pc  has kind of been lying open while i have been drifting about much like a ghost, i must admit how are you?’
Guy: ‘well senorita.. going on .. missing the wonderful chat sessions with you..’
Gal: ‘ah yes, those do go very well. i miss those too :-) senor’
Guy: ‘well u know what today is a different version of me and i am not feeling that good about interrupting your busy schedule. May be i should say bye and let u do what u want to do’
Gal: ‘wow, you don't seem to get me. That bothers me...because I’m trying to get u to get me. ok, let me try once again, let's go for a memory jog.  i said "i do whatever i feel like" so now rewind the past few days...i was unresponsive why? - Basically because i felt like it. Today i am responsive - why? Basically...because i feel like it hence if you feel like it and there is a mutual feeling like it then let's continue talking’

In fact, I was like ‘wow’ when I read the gal's last statement.

Well, this is where the ignoring part comes. I am just giving a lame try to jot down how the situations might arise.
  • One person would like to keep in touch while the other person wants to be in touch only when he/she needs.
  • One is obsessed with the thoughts of other person, however the other person is not really into it- and doesn’t even realize the feelings
  • Words like ‘sorry’, ‘apologies’ keep coming after they do things which they are not supposed to do? – And we need to ignore the other person?
  • Basically it is all about how to keep people away whom you don’t wish to be around. Or it can also be how to keep people around by keeping them at a distance by ignoring them?
Well truly we need to be ourselves. I know it is hard, still we need to give at least a try.

If ignoring brings happiness or rather peace of mind, why not do it?

After all, Happiness is the moral purpose of life – Don’t you feel so?

PS: Thanks to the inspiration.

Friday, November 26, 2010

A Random Hello

Yesterday, I got the following message in my facebook, which I felt as something interesting.  (The below given message is as is and not edited.)

Yes, as you've guessed don't know me and I don't know you (what a way to expand on 'we don't know each other') :-). I'm having a really weird day today and I thought I will talk to random people on facebook to find solace. Very irrational...I know. I don't have a very scientific mind but I can see that you have some kind of affiliation with IISC...what do you/did you do there?

I am very sorry if this is completely unnecessary interruptions...excuse it in that case. :-)

Warm Regards,

Come on, how many of us even think of saying a random hello to a person whom we never met, never talked to, never thought about and in fact who is never going to affect our life?? And still spending some time in understanding a quick background before saying hi?

Few facts about X (let us call the person as X for time being)

  1. X’s Profile: Friends list of 560+, which makes it obvious that the friends list might be directly proportional to the number of random invites send to people :-)
  2. According to X, it is not awkward to say random hello since the world is growing increasingly smaller and X likes cozy things
  3. Of all the people X randomly said hello, almost everyone responded! -  So the chance of getting a response is very POSITIVE
  4. X wanted something authentically random to say hello - X spends time in collecting a brief background about the other person to start the conversation (with a topic related to the other person).
  5. In addition to the above point, background check (visible in the internet) would help deciding whether X want to get to know the person or not: X don’t want to end up in situations where X got to know a person who is not interesting to X!
  6. In X's own words, 'I apologise (but only superficially...because you are signed on to a social networking site so its not exactly criminal to want to get to know you)' - So it is not criminal to contact a stranger in the networking site!
  7. To sum up X says, ‘Try random hellos, they are fun’.

The inspiration behind this post is X and yes, let the Random hello’s flow..

Let people get to know more people, whom they want to be in touch with! 

Life is interesting, no doubt!

PS: If in case X is interested in revealing the name, I will surely post it here. Who knows, X might also start getting the random hellos :-)

Sunday, October 03, 2010

I Forgive Myself

It eases the pain and soothes the heart. When we choose to forgive, it allows us to live in the present and the future instead of the past.

The past is gone and is not in our control. It is like a dream that just happened along with us; with we playing a role in it.

Forgiving necessarily doesn’t mean resuming the relationship with whoever has hurt you. We need to ‘forgive for good’, simply to make our life less stressful.

During our course of life, due to various reasons, some people won’t meet us in halfway or might be rude with us. One of my professors, once said to me, ‘the best way to respect such a person is to ignore them’ 

Honestly, I am still trying to forgive people who hurt me. The bruises made by them in my heart are yet to heal. I sometimes feel numb thinking about it.

It might not be always about who was ‘right’.  I try reminding myself to forgive the words uttered to me. When emotions creep into our brain, and when we are in deep agony, words just come out us. It is then, when we think less and talk (react) more.

The words which comes out to us with full emotion go deeper in our heart. As our elders say, ‘there is nothing which time cant heal.’

We may be hurt by something that our partner did or may be because our expectations were unmet. At times we won’t even remember why we got hurt.

We may have done something to someone that we are sorry for.

I am sorry for many things I did in my life time as of date. When I look back, I can’t control the past neither do I have a chance to correct it.

Nevertheless, we remember the pain and carries it with us everywhere we go. When pain becomes severe, the weight of it pulls us down. We feel weak and it consumes us and our life. It even creates a wall between us and our intimacy within us.

When we forgive, we feel relieved of the burden of the past. We shed away our hurt, pain, anger and loneliness. We begin to heal – that is the first step. I am personally trying to take my first step towards the healing process.

When we forgive ourselves (or any other person) , we get the freedom to live in peace and gets a fresh start to change things for better.

"Forgetting is not forgiveness"

"The damage and wounds in our heart might take some time to get adjusted/ adapted/ healed."

"The responsibility for the behavior still remains - though forgiven. We simply might not hold us (or other person) in debt."

I try to forgive myself
For all the sins I have ever made on earth
I try to forgive all the others
For all the wounds and bruises made on my heart.
Let us all know better and do better
By trying to do the very best with what we have been given.

PS: I forgive myself and let so be others! 

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Soul mate

According to Wayne, we all have soul mates. It doesn’t mean that the soul mate is necessarily our better half or partner - It can be anyone around us, who influence us, who challenges us and who carves our life in a better way.

To explain about soul mate concept, he shared an interesting incident that happened in his life and I am sharing the same here.(well, i listened to the talk only once, so below given story is what i vaguely remember)

One morning, he was in the kitchen trying to make the breakfast for his two daughters (when both were kids) while their mom was away. While cooking, he listened to the conversation between  both of his daughters.

Will you be wearing shoes if you don’t have legs?’ asked the elder one to the younger one.

The younger one got irritated, ‘what kind of ridiculous question is this? – Will I be wearing shoes if I don’t have legs?? Arggghhh’

‘Well answer me’

‘Why should I wear shoes if I don’t have legs? No way’

‘Then why are you wearing the bra?’

What he later saw was, his younger one rushing to room :)

According to him, his elder daughter is the soul mate of younger one. However, his story brought in a whole different perspective.

I was always under the impression that the soul mate is someone who actually understands us very well – like a perfect match you know?

Soul mate need not be the perfect match for our likes and dislikes, in fact he/she should be the one who challenges us and moves us forward and never leaves us.

Suppose you have a person who never leaves you, who always persuade you to push beyond the lines that you draw for yourself – Can that person be called soul mate?

Else, if he/she is a person who is a perfect match for all your likes and dislikes, won’t that be boring? – I mean, I agree. What we all wish for is a person who is always in sync with us who never argues, who never fights and who is in perfect harmony with us.

Still, you know the imperfect soul mate seems to be more interesting isn’t it? – The one who keeps pulling you, the one who complaints, the one who ‘never leaves you’ (no matter what happens) ?

You might have got stuck with such a person in life and you can neither leave nor quit that person’s influence in life?

Is that the real soul mate?

Though she/he might be having a lot of flaws, may be that is the ‘perfect’ one for you which you don’t realize at all? – Don’t you think that is the reality?

May be they are the ones whose hands which will never leave you?
May be they are just brought to us to make us realise what we really are?
May be they will challenge us, fight with us, irritate us
Still, those are the ones which brings us the moments of Reality
The realities whose shadows cast our life
And those are the moments which are always treasured - knowingly or unknowingly!

PS: Thanks to Ajit for sharing the talks of Wayne Dyner.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Unpaid Dakshina

If in case you go to Attukal temple, you might be able to hear his voice in the morning . He might still be reading the devi puranam or ramayanam (during the month of karkitakam) in the early morning.

About him: He is old; in fact he is the one person who touched my heart in all ways though he is no blood relation to me. I met him during my school days when I used to be so regular in the temple visits. I was one of the most (well most is not enough :-) ) disciplined visitor to the temple at the time of aarthy (archana) in the evening.

Truly, I can’t recollect how I met him. I might have met him in the temple. However, I got close to him, maybe I got pulled towards his voice?

He is a person who captured hearts through his voice and music. His bhajans made me merge to the tones and notes of it. Through his voice, he touched many hearts. His name is Bhaskaran Nair.

He was married and unfortunately his wife passed away few years back. But, he had no children of his own. For me he was so different.

In life we meet people who touches our inner heart and whom we feel close?

I am not still sure why he gifted me books / music or rather invited me to the bhajan sessions. I still remember my school / college days when I used to join the early morning 5 AM sessions at the temple.

May be I was the most youngest guy among the group of people who used to sing there in the early morning. Still, I did join them for reasons unknown to me.

I was so fond of classical music and I wanted to learn it. After my pre-degree (+2) class, I requested him to teach me the classical music .. sa ri ga ma pa dha ni sa… Still I remember the classes the took for me. He never took the money in return. He is my music guru.

Music is something which touches our heart
And so did my music guru,
A guru whom I am no way related
A guru who came to me from no where
And who touched many lives through his voice
I cant ever pay back ; not even think of paying back
I am honoured;
Honoured and thankful for letting me meet such a life on earth
I know my life is short,
Still the moments with him I treasure
He is one among the gems of life I met
The value is still invaluable

There are things on earth which we cant pay back
We just need to humbly accept their touch in our lives
Those lives having a magic
A magic which bring light to our lives.

I know he is never going to read this post.
Neither he might know english.
Still, I cant resist his memories, whose dakshina remains unpaid.

Monday, August 30, 2010

She climbed the Golden Stairs

She passed away yesterday midnight on the way to the hospital. It was really shocking to know that one of my juniors did suicide and ended her life.

I am yet to recover from it!

About Divya: She was born to a high profile family - her dad ( ex-minister / ex-MP) and her mom (senior official in a bank). She is now married and is having a 8 months old son.

Back during college days, she was one of the most noticed juniors from the time she joined her class due to her dad's position. She did score well in her B Tech course and became the class topper.

More than a class topper she was the one who always handled things calm and cool despite her circumstances.

She was really an ambitious girl, who had her future planned and clear in front of her. She knew what she needed to do and she worked hard for it as well.

She spoke less, but she made sure that everyone listened to her point whenever she had it.

She topped in her M. Tech course as well. Today, when I spoke to one of her teachers , he very clearly remembers her - she was different. Not only did she outdo her academics but also she was involved in other activities for free software movement - she was really active n smart.

I always admired her hard work and persistence in studies.

I still wonder what might have made her undergo such a situation. Whatever might be the reason, may be there was a solution to it than what she had done to herself?

It is really unbelievable how things turn out in life.

I always had the impression that the studious are the ones who are going to lead a successful life. -May be I am not right?

May be in life, studies or position is not what matters

May be in life we are all in search
In search of something
And we get busy and frustrated on the way

And what we have along us are the friends and relatives
Let us treasure the close circle of lives
The lives that protects us, surrounds us
Those are the lives that makes us cherish
Those are the ones who will share the shoulder
And those are the ones who will be with us
No matter where we are
And that is what makes our life worth living!
Let us thank each one of them for adding a moment to our life

Let all of us get what we wish for
And let us all live till we realize what we are for
And finish the karma of life!

I am sure; Divya did touch many lives!
And I see the sorrow in all those faces
In whichever corner of the world they are in
They will all remember her
They will all see her face and pray for a moment before they go to bed

Let us hold the light and wish her peace wherever she is now!
May her soul rest in peace!

PS: I never thought I would ever write such a post. I wish, I never write similar one again!
Thanks Manju for sharing Divya's photo.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

This will also pass by

'This will also pass by’ this is what I am keep saying now a days…. - This is how Prasad concluded his email. For few days I was in hospital and when I just came out, my dad got into the hospital.

Appears to me that I am going through the ‘hospital climate’ as I call it :-)

The assumption that goes with this specific climate is it can come only once in a year; if not once in life time (I know, I know that is really ambitious to say hospital climate once in life time! )

Jokes apart, the truth is I got admitted to a hospital, first time ever in my life. As everyone says, there has to be a first time for everything; it tends to be the same for me as well.

After my operation, I keep getting this dizziness. It is like when I try to get up or when I am just standing straight, I can see the world around, toppling up / down /bottoms up .. haha it is really funny from one end and the other end me trying to close my eyes and hold whatever is next to me just to ensure that I am not toppling down!

Honestly, I am so touched by what he said ‘This will also pass by’ It kind of murmurs in my ears still..

PS: Thanks Prasad (Prasad Babu) .. What you said is so true. No matter what happens, everything will pass by us, and later we too might follow it.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Wake me up

I went to sleep
A long sleep in anesthesia

I asked her name, I remember
‘Sreeja’, she said smiling at me
She was beautiful,

She had round face,

A typical south Indian figure she had,
She came near to me and held my right hands
She smiled and said ‘everything is going to be fine’,
Neither did I notice the syringe in her other hand
Nor did I notice the anesthesia
While I enjoyed her beautiful face,
Lyiing down in the stretcher,
She whispered to me, ‘You are going to have a very light pain’
I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain
I felt the pinch and then coolness
A cool numbness which spread through my right hand,
It then crept into my brain and to my whole body
I could barely see the huge round lights
The lights of the operation theater
The lights went on making everything disappear
Disappear in darkness
I went into the dark with light all over me!
Can someone wake me up?

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Happy Aries Girl

There came a response. It appears to me that the earlier post was the first article about Aries girl that has even been written/ published ever in this world.

In fact, I think it was the first post which I dedicated to someone as well- pure coincidence!

We act different at times. We might not know the answers to many questions which pops up in our mind – why he has written about me? , why he has said that? , why did he behave like that?– Hold on, answer is simple -we are just what we are!!

We are so called ‘humans’, with all unique strengths and weakness that we carry to our name as our ‘own’ :-) - no matter who decided 'our' names.

Later, may be years later, we might get the complete picture. -As Steve Jobs said,it is impossible to connect the dots looking forward, but it was very, very clear looking backwards years later.’ - during his Stanford graduation ceremony talk.

We are punching the dots in a virgin white canvas!! – We are just punching, unknowingly without recognizing what we are carving out of it!!

As everyone says, our mind is not reasonable at times. We might not have a response to ‘why’ it behaves different.- Except that we did it because we felt so! - that too at that particular moment in time!

Perhaps, that was what it needs to be done! - It might be just that we are not ‘enabled’ to decode and understand?

We would see everything with utmost clarity sometime later. – Don’t ask me when. That is going to be later is what I can say now.

Who knows how long we are going to live in this so called planet ‘earth’. If we touch any soul who is feeling better about it, may be it can be considered as an achievement, till our last breath.

It is not about so called ‘love’- which truly, I am not able to understand till date.

And to clarify some of my readers, Aries girl is just an acquaintance as of today – so don’t even think about words called ‘love’, whose meaning is yet to be defined as per my own dictionary!

The irony is that, the person who loves / likes you most will start hating/ disliking you in a fraction of second. – Check this link : Married life : A Court view I witnessed in real!

So, it all comes down to the moment; the moment you are happy.

May be years later, the Aries girl might start hating me!
-The same girl who feels happy now for the earlier post!

May be it has nothing to do with her;
-it might just be circumstances that creates a different mindset of her for her?

'There is only one life. Should do whatever you love to.’, says Aries girl. - I honestly feel the Aries girl knows what she needs to know!

And I try to do what I love to do; To write.

To write, what my mind utters to me.

With no alterations!!

‘Your blog was really good. You have good prospects in that field’,
she says.

I responded, humbly,’ Don’t promote me. As i said, I might create a book out of you!!”

Should I make this a serial?

Should I start writing about the persons that I met in actual life?

Would that be interesting at all to any of the readers?

What you say Aries girl?? - Would you be interested ?

Monday, August 02, 2010

Aries Girl

I hardly knew her. She was one among the bunch of acquaintances that I had. I never bothered to know her, neither she bothered to know me.

Now years later, in fact several years later we heard each other’s voice.
You know, it is really nice to hear the voice of someone whom you knew years before. And that too without being in touch for several years and then talking to each other as a surprise!

Though I didn’t know this girl as a person, I somehow had a feeling that the life is rough on her.

The things that happened to her and the tough times that she had to go through to reach where she is, is really like a fiction.

Sometimes, these real stories we won’t believe in. We still feel that the life is bed of roses and everything will come to us for a reason.

May be life is not that tough
May be everything that happened to her in life was meant to happen
May be she is drifting towards the destiny – unknowingly

May be she will find her right man

May be as the astrologer told her – She will be luckier as days goes by

May be she will become the luckiest girl ever!

May be she will travel around the world! – As she dreams
May everything good happen to her
And let her be another happy soul on earth!
I dedicate this post to you,
You Aries Girl!

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Why on earth?

Today in my return trip from Cochin to Trivandrum, I happened to see a very beautiful lady!

However, she was accompanied by her boyfriend :-)

You know what? -Why it is that all the ladies who are beautiful, attractive and nice are TAKEN?

Why in the world is that I am the one who is alone ?
Why is that I never get a nice company?

She was cute
She was nice and soft spoken
Her eyes were captive
Her smile! – Well, i can’t forget it
Her face was so expressive
How can ladies be such beautiful?
God has really been partial to men!
Alas, I am not going to meet her again..
And I miss her!!
Is it her presence that I am missing ?
Is it her sweet voice ?
Is it her in all ?
Perhaps, it was all because she was from the UK ?
And I feel these because I am from India?

Friday, July 30, 2010

My Life's Value

I see millions of people around me. I am trying hard to find my ‘value’ of existence among the millions.
In my today’s flight from Bangalore to Trivandrum, it halted at Chennai for about an hour.

I witnessed the group of people who are involved in the logistics/ technical support for the flight. If there are more than 200+ people involved in just a small flight which carries around 100 people, just think about the world.

If this is the case of a domestic flight, just think about the international flights which touch multiple countries and several different nationalities.

I am just pondering on my value by existing on this world.

There are millions of people around and there are several people who are touching their lives – knowing or unknowing.

Whose lives am I touching?
Am I touching any one’s life at least?
Am I worth living in this world of billions?

How do I create a difference?- Do I need to?

What is this life all about? – If I am not making any difference to anyone?
Can someone comment on this?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


You know, I think I am always prejudiced with my own impressions and thoughts. I have known Dhanya for last couple of years, but I never bothered to know her in anyway. Very recently, an incident happened where we kind of talked to each other. Oh don’t think we never talked before, well we talked in a literal sense without knowing each other.

I had different thoughts and views in my mind about her, which is like really different from what I have today due to the recent chat we had.

We always carry the mental picture and relate the same to the physical world. Our own opinions form a kind of layer which is tough to get removed.

First of all, we are afraid to expose ourselves to anyone for that matter. We cling on to ourselves and we are happy the way we are.

Dhanya recommended me to watch a movie called The Shadow Dancer (2005) – An amazing movie.

The gist of the story is about a writer who stopped writing after his wife’s death and an editor from a publishing company pursuing him to start writing again. In the end the publisher falls in love with the writer’s daughter and so on.

I am not too sure whether Dhanya knows that I love writing.

Lately these days, I feel the pain and I can’t even sleep if I don’t pin down whatever thoughts I have in mind. It is like I need to publish it in the world out there to get relaxed.

As Nikhil said, I do need to read wren n martin to learn the English language and grammar nevertheless I want to become a writer :)

I know I might be little greedy in thinking about becoming a writer in a world where thousands and thousands of writers are struggling to publish their books.

Still, I want to become a writer and a photographer.

Off late, may be due to the work pressure or maybe I am not able to find what I need from the work, I feel empty.

Each night when I reach room, all I want to do is to travel and exit this place, this work, this world by itself.

I want to explore, I want to see places, I want to write my experiences, I want to take photographs, I want to bring something else to my own life.

Should I be quitting my job, which is giving me bread to eat?

Should I be taking a vacation for which I need to borrow money from my friends?

I have no saving of my own; I am not that kind at all. - I just spend it as I earn – for the experiences

I am confused, and I have always been, I trust.

May be, I might take a break and meet some authors? Talk to them? Ask them whether they can guide me in writing?

What should I be doing?

One thing is clear, now I am not what I need to be. - Else these painful moments of self-doubt might not be happening with me, right?

PS: I know I am not a writer, perhaps I will become one someday.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Anonymous Ms.Salini

I got an email about a year back with the following content.

I am Salini. I met you once, long back with my friend. But no chance that u remember me. Like to know more about you. Hope you respond Thanks and Best Wishes Salini

And my response to this was “Is this a spam???

I never remember anyone called Salini whom I met. I was thinking that there was someone who had sent me an email by mistake. I told 'good bye' to Salini, since she never seemed to be interested in revealing her identity and I forgot about it during the course of time.

While I was clearing my mails several months before and I wrote this –‘Hello.. Are you still there? I was clearing my inbox and found your old mail about your anonymous identity???

And last month, I got a response –‘Hai, Felt like replying to your old mail, more than 4 months old. How are you? -Salini

I responded saying, ’How are you?? what is your real name and I feel good to know that such a person exists and it is not SPAM!’

Then came the following response –
Dear mr.Bharat Thank you so much. At last you wrote in a language by which people do communicate. And I feel softness in your words also. good! And another thing made me surprised is You asked me " How are you?" Very good. I feel excited by your mail. If you are free this weekend, can we meet somewhere? What do you say? I think that is the best way to reveal my identity.

Well, I honestly was taken completely aback. First of all I never remember meeting such a person called Salini and now this anonymous person wanted to meet me? That too the very next weekend? Oh no- I was not even convinced.

Finally after couple of emails the response vanished.

Even today I don’t know who this Salini is!
Don’t even know whether such a person really exists.

May be it might be some of my friends who wanted to prank
However, it is always interesting to think of someone whom you never know, who was in touch with you!

PS: This electronic world has brought in so much anonymity into our world and brought in so many borders to cross. - Interesting!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Is my life sinful?
Can I wash away all my sins?
What is this sin?

I touched the untouchables
I crossed all the prohibitions
I walked, I ran, I ran and ran again
Through all the possible ways
There was no restriction
There was illusion
People came to me
They all faked me
I allowed myself to get faked
Now I am alone
Earlier it was all clouded
Now the moods of cloud is changing
Now I can see the traces of sun
Streaks of light is coming in
Just to make me realize
Realize the darkness
I am just waiting
Waiting for the reality
What is real?
I have been myself
Myself, in my whole life
Will being myself will wash away the darkness
Will being myself redefine ‘sin’
Did I sin?
Life just happens
And moments just pass by
And Myself is all left
Myself and myself alone.
I embrace me
And we both are still walking
Walking towards the destiny
Awaiting the new surprises
Leaving the memories
And trying to be myself
Just myself and me!

Sunday, July 18, 2010


I was completely me before I met you;
You have shown me your world;
Strange was the journey towards the your world;
I was clueless, aimless, but you levitated me;
You imbibed me with a notion;
A notion which is nameless;
The walks that you had with me;
The chats that we had;
The moments that we shared;
Was it all just a coincidence?

I changed, without knowing why;
The things hided in plain sight came out visible;
Your world revolved around me;
And my world vanished to thin air;
I transformed, without my knowledge;
Spirits came to me from nowhere;
Bringing the life to matter which never existed;
I was mindless;
You painted on my minds walls;
I still remember your brush strokes;
I still hold your unfinished paints;
The expressions that you left;
They remind me of you;
You touched my heart with your passion;
Your passion spread across me like fire;
You injected your wilderness on me;
Painful was it, yet sweet;
In the end when I looked around;
I was in a wonder world;
All created by you;
Now, I am not ‘me’ anymore;
Can someone help me to become me again?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Nick Mon's Suggestion

Nikhil P Kookkiri alias Nick Mon is one of my friends in Bangalore. He always plays a key role in motivation aspect.

For my blog posts he recently gave the following comment, "mathrubashayil ezhuthada..illankil oru Wren Martin medichu padikada...... Anyway...I appreciate ur attempt... I am sure you willl reach there one day...."

Translation goes like this– ‘You better write in mother tongue, else buy Wren n Martin and learn!

In fact during the initial days of blogging, I used to feel so complex about my substandard English writing skills.

However, as time passed, I think I got so accustomed to my way of writing, where grammatical / structural / other English mistakes became a common factor for any of my article.

I never felt awkward about it till date. I write what I know in a way which I would like to express.

Now, the time has come where it appears to me that people are getting ‘irritated’ by reading the article!! :-)

Now I am really thinking of starting the English lessons to write something!

Whether I will do it is a question? – Mostly due to negligence we keep postponing and it might never happen!

I am not sure whether I will learn from Wren n Martin!
Still I think I should seriously start thinking about improving!
Though it is not clear to me as of now how to do that?
Any suggestions on improving English writing skills?

PS:Nick's Buzz

Saturday, July 10, 2010


Today I went to an optical shop to change my broken lens. They asked me to wait showing a set of chairs. I sat in one among the unoccupied ones. While I was sitting there, I noticed a family entering the shop.

I saw a small boy around 4 to 5 years of age, clinging on to his mom and standing in a corner. He looked all over the shop.
You know his eyes was searching for something interesting. The sparkle was there in his eyes, I could notice.
Finally, after a long eye walkthrough he found an item in one corner near my seat. He slowly walked towards it.

It was nothing but a 'dustbin' with the pedal to open on the bottom. Initially he stared at it for some time- the green box with a black lever at the bottom.

He was so curious so he came over there and watched the dustbin box from different angles. It was like, he is seeing such an item for the first time in his life.

Then slowly he moved closer to it and then put his feet on the bottom lever.

I could see his smile when the black top moved upwards.
He peeped on to it and tried to see what was there inside the dustbin.
Seeing the empty tea cups he never got upset. He kept steping on the bottom lever and seeing the top opening and closing

I could see how amused and happy he was by doing it - So involved he was in just opening and closing

I wish we were curious like that!

Curious enough to enjoy each bit of life!

Somewhere during our journey didn’t we lose this curiosity ?

Are we still curious?

Are we still able to enjoy the small adventures of life? – Opening a dustbin? :-) or something similar!!

Story of Leaves

When wind came all the dry leaves went away with the wind
The rest dry leaves got burnt when the fire came
Now all I have is the ashes
Ashes of the leaves

Each bit of ash holds a story
A story of mystery
Most of it is precious
None of it will come again
All might have happened for a reason
A reason still unknown to me
The greener were the leaves when it was born
It enjoyed the sun, air, water
Then it became old and yellow
Yellow turned to brown
Brown turned to dry
Dry leaf fell down
Then came the wind and fire
Some went with the wind and rest got burned

Is leave’s life cycle complete?
Still remains the ash and the story with it
May be some day ash will get mixed with the soil
Soil might grow another plant
And then the green leafs will come again
Again with a story!

Friday, July 09, 2010

I. Me. Myself.

Have you watered the plants’, asked the elder sister to the younger one.

No I haven’t. Why don’t you water it’, said the younger one.

Well, I don’t need any rose flowers from it. If you want you water it’.

I would water it but it is mine and I will never give it to you. You water the other plant’ said the younger one. – She is in UKG (before entering the 1st Standard) and I was thinking how come she is saying all about ‘her and herself’.

May be she will be hardly 4 years or so.- Is it that we start thinking about ourselves and ‘ourselves alone’ even at this age?

Most of the time, we all are occupied by our own thoughts.

It is either about us or about our close friends or may be relatives?

Are we missing a big picture here?
Are we missing what is happening around us?
What is happening to this earth?
What is happening to the birds, tress, plants, air, water???

In a society where we blame the lack of time as a reason for many things, we have become so self-centered in many aspects.
I always had an impression that kids will share things and they had an Open mind.

Now, even the kids are talking about their happiness, their note book, their pencil box. – I mean it never occurred to me that the kids are so into themselves.

May be it is the society / parents who turn the kids to be thinking about them, themselves and themselves again?

May be it is our mistake to keep a society which won’t open up the kids mind to a broader spectrum than restricting them to think about themselves.

Thursday, July 08, 2010


One evening when I returned to my room during my Saudi Arabia life, I somehow felt really different that night.

During my stay there, the work gets finished only around 9 PM or so and I would be one of last person to switch off the lights and leave the office. Eventually I reach room late as well.

That specific evening, when I reached room, I felt an aura all around me. When I entered the room, I felt the thick warm air. I turned on the air conditioners and left my bag in some corner. Rest of the activities was like, throwing away the socks to one corner, leaving my blazer to another hanger and me laying down under the fan.

Though I was all alone that night, I felt like embracing the warm air in the room. I went to kitchen to cook something for me. The dinner turned out to be the Maggi noodles :-), yes Maggi is available in Saudi as well- but with a slightly different taste!

I got the ‘two minute noodles’ ready and I set the table. The atmosphere for the dinner was yet to be set.

1.Is the movie ready to be started
2.Is water right there on the specific glass which I usually take?
3.Is the hot noodle on the clean dry plate?
4.Is the cigar & lighter on place (Well this doesnt happen always!)
5.Last but the most important is the room ready with the right light settings on :-)

I felt so contented being alone and with everything there in place (where I want things to be!).

You won’t believe me, I felt so happy that night - after a long time. Oh no, don’t think I am a kind of person who always loves to be alone. There have been several days / nights when I preferred to have a company, however that night was special for some reason.

I got my batteries recharged
I loved myself and my aura around me
I love loneliness

It is tough to break it once you taste it!
The taste of bachelor life is lasts long
And I honestly feel it is ‘addictive’

PS: I was sharing the feeling of addictiveness of bachelor life to one of my colleague, Gautham Manohar and he being a bachelor completely agreed to the word ‘addictive!

Another Train Journey

‘Is this seat 9? This is my seat’, a dark young man came running after the train started. He was all sweat, he might have reached the platform late, I thought. I moved to the other seat and allowed him to sit where I was sitting. He is travelling with just one hand bag, he might be a frequent traveller. ‘Did he speak with you?, I needed to leave and he promised me that he will meet you after I leave.’, he spoke over phone. He must be referring to a business discussion.

‘vadai vadai vadai, uzhunnu vadai’, an young guy kept going through our compartment. His face looked very tired. May be he might have got a very tiring day. I peeped into his serving plate, it appeared full with lots of vadas filled with oil! Yeah man, I could see the newspaper which was full with oil.

‘Hello, I didn’t get the reply for my SMS till now.’ I heard a middle aged lady speaking over her phone sitting next to me. She kept herself immersed in her own world and her mobile- she might have got a new mobile? When she got a break, she kept winking at the baby sitting opposite to us.

The young couple tried to entertain their baby when he started to cry. His mom feeded him. He might have got his stomach full, he slept for some time. After a while again he started ‘eeehhh, eeehhh’, his dad took him towards the compartment door. His mom gave him a plastic glass to play around. He started staring at everything and got into a silent sleep on his dad’s shoulders.

‘all is well, all is well’, the hindi songs came out loud from an old man’s mobile phone.– See the world has undergone a drastic change with respect to technology. I still remember the days when people used to roam around with transistors!

Lots of ‘coffee coffee coffee’ and ‘kappi kappi kappi’ and ‘tea tea tea’ and ‘chaya chaya chaya’ kept coming in regular intervals till late night.

Around 7:30 -8 pm, I could hear ‘chicken, egg, veg biryani, biryani’! I never knew that all kinds of biryanis were served in the train from the pantry. I still remember the days when the veg and egg biryani was served. Now chicken biryani is also available? Hot and ready?

Then came ‘porotta, chapatti’, ‘porotta chapatti’. We do have lots of options for food while travel ling.

The old man sitting next to me bought the veg and he started having it. The middle aged lady got her bread packed and she had some few slices I believe- sorry I didn’t want to look into her plate- not a good manners no? :-) The young couple had their food packed and ready from home. The baby’s mom had the food sitting in the seat. However I could see his dad going out with a tiffin box, I was wondering why he was going out.

When I went to throw my coffee cup (oh yea, I had couple of Rs.5 coffee :-) – It is good to have a coffee which doesn’t taste like a coffee! ), I saw the kid’s dad sitting there and having the food. Don’t know why he sat their outside near the door and ate food. May be he like the cool night breeze along with the food!

It shows 8:45 pm in my laptop, and I am lying down in the upper berth and typing!

After several years, I traveled again in train.

I still remember my B.Tech days when I traveled a lot in train (Ernakulam to Trivandrum).

I changed, the train changed, the train booking became online, the people around me changed, the food served in train changed!

Is there anything which doesn’t change?

PS: My train - Kochuveli Express started from Bangalore at 5:15 pm yesterday and reached Trivandrum around 9 am today morning.

Friday, July 02, 2010

All for this moment!

I have visited Bahrain several times by now. However this time I am not feeling like exiting the country without pinning down some stories which I came to know.

You see different nationalities all across the gulf countries. In Bahrain, most of the bars/ restaurants you see mostly lady servers. You pick the nationality, they will be here.

Couple of times I have been to some kerala restaurants. In almost all of them you see keralite ladies serving for you! – They welcome you with a shake hand (I never knew that we had such a tradition though!), ask where are you from, which dish you would like to have, which beer/ hot drinks (they even recommend the best ones!)

The following are some of stories which was shared with me over my visits to this country.

A Srilankan Story:

Swapna is her name and she came about a year ago to Bahrain - Never married, no kids. She works in a kerala restaurant and the work hours are from 12pm – 3pm & 6pm-1 AM. She came here to work without knowing a bit of Malayalam language. Now she speaks and understands Malayalam in a ‘ok’ condition. She says she is here to save money for her parents and she is never going to come back to this country once she exits. The existing contract with her agent is which keeps her here. - The contract is for 2 years and they don’t have the freedom to exit the country in between at all.

A Keralite Story:

She came here about 6 years back and she keeps visiting kerala whenever any family event comes up. Being mother of 3 children, she says it is tough for her to spend time here - still, for money she need to do this is what she says. She asked, ‘which mobile is this? Is this really costly?’, when I was trying to make a phone call. ‘Why are you so much interested in the mobile models’, I asked her? ‘My sponsor who helped me to come to this country wanted a Rolex watch and a high end mobile phone, I am yet to buy for him’, she said.

A Thai Story:

Being a single mother and a student she was unable to bear the expenses in her own country. She came here about 7 months ago and is planning to stay till Ramadan. ‘My daughter is really cute, unlike me’, she says. I am working here my daughter and to earn enough money for continuing my studies back in Thailand. ‘I don’t like English, I like thai language’, but most of the people here wants me to talk in English, which I am trying to learn. ‘My English is bad no?’, she asks me. ‘No sleep, last two days’, she says.

A Chinese story:

My husband and daughter are there in china. My husband doesn’t help me financially so I came across this country to work. I don’t like to work here at all, but what to do, I need to earn money to feed my child. I want my daughter to get a better life than mine. So I work here and sent money to china for her expenses. If I don’t send money, my husband will hurt my daughter!

A Russian story:

She lives in a place near to Moscow and she came over here few years back. ‘Why do you look so sad’, I asked her. ‘I want to kill someone’, she said. I was really taken aback with this statement. ‘I don’t like this place, I don’t like the people, I hate my life and I need to work here for money, because I need to send money to Russia. The Saudi people when they visit here, they hurt us when they are drunk. I don’t like people who drink, they will not be in their senses, and they won’t have control. ‘ None in this world should drink!

All of them live their life for others in this world!

Most of them are here for their loved ones!

They suffer here and struggle here all for their kids

They all long for the moment when they will meet their kids after years and months.

Will their kids be aware of the struggles?

Will their kids and loved ones value them when they go back?

Is this life of struggle worth for the ‘moment’ when you meet them back in the native land?

May be every hardship you come across is worth enough for the ‘moments’ that you see them cherished!

Ps: Is this life all about earning money for your loved ones?

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Embracing the heat

I have travelled to couple of places like Yanbu, Jeddah, Riyadh, & Dammam in Saudi Arabia.- all are in different corners of the country!

At all the locations you can experience one thing in common - they were all really ' hot'.

When I say hot, it is like 51 degree hot!

Today, I had a different experience while having the walk at noon with sun right on top!

To my surprise I was feeling calm cool! No no I have not gone completely mad to feel cool at mid noon.

However, the point is I started liking the heat!

In India, I still remember the days when I cursed 30 deg heat and here I started liking the dry heat in this country.

The sand wind,
The climate,
The heat,
The smell of the sand when you take breath
You start embracing all of these..
You would feel it all over you,
And you might start liking it. - which you hated earlier..

Well, it appears to me that I am falling in love with this country/climate for some reason which I cant understand.

Is it that I am just embracing the heat to feel the heat which I never liked before?
Is it that I am changing due to my stay here ?
Is it that I have no other way to survive in this heat, so I started liking it?

I am not sure about the answer..

When we start doing things which we don’t like, we will never imagine that we would fall in love with it.

But when we live with it,
And when we leave it,
We will realize how attached we were
Even though we hated it earlier!

Unknowingly we start liking things which we disliked earlier!

Life is definitely 'Interesting;, isn't it ?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Well, is it on the eyes ? Here in this country (saudi arabia), you can see only the eyes of a girl!

You know what guys here say ? 'its all in the eyes of the girl!'

And you wont believe, most of them say if they can see the eyes of the girl, they can see how beautiful she might be by just looking into her eyes!!

I am not sure whether it is all about eyes..Oh no don't think I have met a girl by seeing her eyes and so I am writing this.. A Big noooo, I haven't dear

It is like, as all poets sing so much about the beauty and depth of eyes!!

Guys who are in love, talks about the eyes. Well not just the guys, girls too talk so much about the eyes..

What would be there deeper inside the eyes ?

See the eyes.. the longing.. the need.. the wanting.. wow!! it is something really interesting to explore..

Is it the looks that the lovers give each other :-)

Well is it that chemistry happens just because of the looks that one give another one?

Is it all about love at first sight ??

Well, is it all about interpretations, feelings, experiences ...

Lovers need to tell an answer for this..

Monday, June 28, 2010

Love & Hate: Moments of Life

Like two sides of a coin there exist the two emotions.

Whether we like it or not, the duality prevails in all relations: the one which overrule matters.

You know, it might be really surprising to know how fast we switch between these two states - the transition between love and hate!

We see lovers loving each other so passionately. They want to be together forever as one. They would want to be floating (it is an elevated state of mind) in the same state forever and ever after - In a peak of excited resonance.

They would want everyone else in this universe to vanish but just them.

State where nothing is impossible! And Everything around is beautiful!

They wish to stop the sun and the moment - the moment of excitement to stand still forever!

The failure of love drives us to hatred !

When we don’t get what we want, we start disliking the other person.

The dislike gradually grows up to a huge fire inside us.

The fire burns all the ‘love’ energy and it gets transformed to ‘hatred’. The fire spreads across all our nerves and then to the brain.

The brain gets excited in the fire and try burning the target - the same person who was filled with love!

Then we want to see the other person in pain and anguish. We want him/her to suffer and get tortured.

By seeing them in torture would become the only motivation for us to live ? (Just be an audience for one divorce session at court! )

The moment:
When love vanishes and hatred starts.. Also the similar moment - when hatred vanishes and love starts.

Just think how volatile it is.

The person whom we hated most, becomes one of our close friends - we starts respecting and liking their nature- the same nature which we hated to the core?

The same happens with our close friends ? - A close friend becoming an enemy?

The person, who loves to spend hours and hours together, starts getting irritated on each moment of togetherness.

The pain, the burning and the restlessness starts affecting us.

The presence of other person which was like levitation to us becomes like frustration!


Does all this happen because of the mood swings?
Is it because of our own reflections on others?
Is it because nothing is permanent?

Is it because change is the nature’s rule?


Is it all because our information or our views or our interpretation is on time axis which by itself changes?

When we get a different view, we act on it?

When we interpret things in a different way, we start seeing things and visualizing things in a right opposite meaning?

It is not just between the people, it is also true among the other materialist things in this world! -We might hate something today and the same thing might become our dearest tomorrow!

Who knows what is it that we really love?
Is there anything called ‘love’ or ‘hate’ which never vanishes ?
Is this all momentary?

PS:Honestly,I am in search of the meaning. I made me experiment on myself. The experiments offered me experience. The experiences blessed me with scars.

The exploration still continues

And so my life..

With or without meaning..

Friday, June 11, 2010

You are no different

Yesterday, I spoke with Rani. She told me something interesting, ‘You are saying the same thing that I have been hearing all the day from different people and you are not talking anything different!

Rani is in her +2 studies and I trust almost everyone is asking her to study. ‘Why is it that everyone are having high expectations on me? I am not capable enough to reach where others are thinking of me. I feel depressed thinking about others expectations on me scoring higher gradesI am just wondering why is academics so important in life? When I was a kid, I never studied well. Don’t worry; I always had day dreams of me scoring high marks!! Lol!

You know what, when I was in 4th standard, I wanted a watch, an electronic one. Finally, parents told me that I will get a watch if I score highest in the class. And you won’t what I did for getting the watch.

I flunked in the Hindi paper and so I hided the paper in the classroom and wrote 25/25 in the name slip in the Bag. Don’t wonder, I had a name slip sticker in my bag in which my name class no, division details were written and since I didn’t want to show the paper home, I wrote the marks myself in the red ink (to prove that it is written by a teacher- only teachers use red ink pens!)

And with lots of joy on scoring 25/25 I reached house to show that I scored full marks in Hindi and it was like see mom, I have even written the marks down in my bag name slip when I got the mark sheet. She said, it is OK that the marks are there on your bag, but where is the answer paper? I told her, mom that it was written by the teacher since I have lost the answer sheet!! Lol!! Don’t laugh too muchhh .. yes yes.. I ..I myself did it!!

I still can’t believe how I did all these!! Anyways I did go through the other side of doing all these mischiefs - you know what I mean :-) Well i went through the correction treatment for doing these kinds of! . And I think in next exam I did score within the top 5 in class (Well, I negotiated for top 5) and I got a new watch :-)

Coming back, I still don’t understand how we can effectively communicate and make the kid realize how important is studies for them.

Teachers are the blessed ones who has a knack to handle the younger generations - the to be future leaders.

Do we really lack the right teachers who are able to excite the curious child in us?

Rani is unable to study not only because of the pressure from our society; it might also be because she is not excited about the subject?

The turning points happen all the time in our life, however if you get into the right place early in life, it might be a smooth journey. As of today marks and exams are the ones which will help you reach a right place in the system- at least it will give you more options.

How will I let Rani know the importance and seriousness about studies and its influence on our life?

I am clueless; she says I am no different from others around her?

How will I make her realize the potential that she can achieve?

Can someone help me here?????

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