Wednesday, July 28, 2010


You know, I think I am always prejudiced with my own impressions and thoughts. I have known Dhanya for last couple of years, but I never bothered to know her in anyway. Very recently, an incident happened where we kind of talked to each other. Oh don’t think we never talked before, well we talked in a literal sense without knowing each other.

I had different thoughts and views in my mind about her, which is like really different from what I have today due to the recent chat we had.

We always carry the mental picture and relate the same to the physical world. Our own opinions form a kind of layer which is tough to get removed.

First of all, we are afraid to expose ourselves to anyone for that matter. We cling on to ourselves and we are happy the way we are.

Dhanya recommended me to watch a movie called The Shadow Dancer (2005) – An amazing movie.

The gist of the story is about a writer who stopped writing after his wife’s death and an editor from a publishing company pursuing him to start writing again. In the end the publisher falls in love with the writer’s daughter and so on.

I am not too sure whether Dhanya knows that I love writing.

Lately these days, I feel the pain and I can’t even sleep if I don’t pin down whatever thoughts I have in mind. It is like I need to publish it in the world out there to get relaxed.

As Nikhil said, I do need to read wren n martin to learn the English language and grammar nevertheless I want to become a writer :)

I know I might be little greedy in thinking about becoming a writer in a world where thousands and thousands of writers are struggling to publish their books.

Still, I want to become a writer and a photographer.

Off late, may be due to the work pressure or maybe I am not able to find what I need from the work, I feel empty.

Each night when I reach room, all I want to do is to travel and exit this place, this work, this world by itself.

I want to explore, I want to see places, I want to write my experiences, I want to take photographs, I want to bring something else to my own life.

Should I be quitting my job, which is giving me bread to eat?

Should I be taking a vacation for which I need to borrow money from my friends?

I have no saving of my own; I am not that kind at all. - I just spend it as I earn – for the experiences

I am confused, and I have always been, I trust.

May be, I might take a break and meet some authors? Talk to them? Ask them whether they can guide me in writing?

What should I be doing?

One thing is clear, now I am not what I need to be. - Else these painful moments of self-doubt might not be happening with me, right?

PS: I know I am not a writer, perhaps I will become one someday.

1 comment:

manisha said...

aaah... very well written :)
and likewise for the first few sentences! :)

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