Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Musing

‘The Last Kiss’ - Abhilash suggested me to watch this movie as a comment to this post. I don’t know why, yesterday I felt like watching it. Thanks to Torrent, I could get it downloaded.

Right now, after finishing the movie, I somehow feel there might be something called ‘love’ on earth, though I am not sure what it really means. The movie portrays it in that way.

Honestly, being with a person for the entire life and going through all the changes that happens to you as well the other person seems to be really scary to me.

‘Change’ is the word - Things can change in any direction. Your priorities in life can change, the way you look things can change and what you think about yourself can change.

How do you ensure that the things that are going to change will be in sync with another person? Or are you going to take a decision that you will control yourself and change in a way that will ensure that you will be in sync always?

The question here is 'control'. May be if we dont get options in life after we meet a person, we might stick to the decision that we have taken. Mostly for the reason being, we dont have any other 'choice'.

Is it the Choice that drives us always? What if there comes a choice which is appealing to you after you have taken a decision? Will you stick to the decision or will you recheck the thoughts? - It might depend on each individual, I think.

Commitment is possible when you have clarity. Future is never clear to us.
From Sivanasamudra_Talakkavery_1Nov2009

We row our boat thinking of reaching at some destination believing that the light will guide us to be where we want to be.

Most of my friends are thrilled – some are getting ready to get the ‘husband’ tag, some are getting ready for their ‘father’ status.

I somehow feel numb. Emotional Idiot (EI), don’t know from where I coined this term. A times I consider myself to be an EI.

When we start interacting with a person we don’t even bother about their status, cast, creed, life style, monetary status, job, society – the list is endless.

As we progress, we come to know that there are many things which are not like what we expected. If we prefer to continue the relation, we need to adjust? Accept? Grow? I am not getting the right word. ‘Adapt’?

We need to undergo metamorphism? -Like what pupa undergoes to become a butterfly?

How can you take a call that she or he is the right guy for you on earth? Or Is it that you pick the best among the lot which you feel is most ‘right’ at that point in time and just stick with it just because you promised her/him to be with them forever & ever after ?

I don’t know. May be I need to go long way to realize it myself or to get adjusted to the reality.

May be I am not 'normal', in normal terms!! :-) Is it normal to have these questions?

May be everyone goes through similar thoughts - whatever I have pinned down here- Just that they don’t really care and they just take things as it comes.

PS: These days I get calmness once I finish writing what I feel about -I feel better for some reason.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Communication

“I told you this that day because I wanted to know what was inside your mind. I didn’t want to ask you directly. Now from your answer, I know what you had in mind”, said Dhanya.

Rajesh and Dhanya were having a conversation. Few days before, Dhanya put across a hypothetical situation for which Rajesh was asked to answer. Now, Dhanya says she got the answer for what she asked.

‘What did you mean by saying this is still inside my mind’, Rajesh was curious to know.

‘No I asked you that question that day because I knew you have not forgotten that incident. It is still inside your mind’, Dhanya said with a different tone in voice.

‘No way ! I am not even able to understand what incident you are referring to here. What was that incident?’, Rajesh was taken aback.

‘You know I promised you something long back before and I couldn’t do it. I knew that it might be there inside your mind. I asked you that question last day only to know what was inside your mind. Now it is clear to me, I got the answer and this is what I wanted’ Dhanya triumphed. Rajesh was lost and he couldn’t even understand what she was saying.

When did Dhanya think about getting things from me without me being aware of it and asking me things indirectly? Rajesh thought for a moment.

‘See I am not sure what you mean. I am not able to understand what you say by you got the answer’, Rajesh was confused and lost.

Dhanya became calm, she said ‘No no it is ok, I asked you that question only to know whether you had kept that in mind till now or not. Now I have the answer’

Rajesh and Dhanya had a long discussion to figure out what was there in Dhanya’s mind. After a long chat somehow Rajesh was able to realize that Dhanya was referring to some incident which he was not even aware of. However Rajesh realized few things.

Dhanya is not the girl what Rajesh thought of her to be.
She is different,

He realized that it is good not go with her words
He realized that she says something and means something else
And it is good not to expect from her
Everything happens for a reason, he thought

May be this conversation happened for a reason
May be Rajesh will be more cautious with Dhanya from now on
May be Rajesh & Dhanya will change

May be Rajesh & Dhanya should stop interacting
May be this is the end of their story!


PS: Saying something and meaning something else :-) - This can happen in any conversation.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Expectations

‘When you put your 100% to a relation and when the other person gives only 10% back, what do you do?’ Jyothi asked Arun.

Rose considered Jyothi to be one of her friends. Rose is a fair beautiful South African lady and Jyothi is Indian. Rose’s nature is to get into relations pretty fast. When Rose meets a new guy in the party, she moves pretty fast for a date with him. However, for Rose, things in relation don’t go smooth always. She is mostly unable to maintain the relation for long time.

Whenever Rose breaks up with the guy she shares the story with Jyothi. Jyothi console Rose saying it happens sometime ..its ok... and things would be better next time.. - trying to make Rose feel better.

Most of the time, when Rose is over from the depression of the break up, she gets in touch with Jyothi to go out. Rose’s parents are aware neither of her behavior nor her relationships. So what Rose does is, she sits in front of her parents to call Jyothi fixes a time to meet outside (to make parents think that she is going to meet Jyothi). Jyothi being a planned lady, almost always have her schedule fixed for weekends. But when Rose calls her she changes her plan and get ready to meet Rose.

Now the interesting part is, Rose goes out to meet with her friends or to meet new guys leaving Jyothi alone at home without being informed. The next day, Rose comes up with new excuses to convince Jyothi for not meeting her.

Now days I am getting irritated when I see her call, says Jyothi. I don’t know what to do. I know she is not a genuine friend. I know she might be lieing with me. I sometimes feel like shouting at Rose, but I can’t. shall I do?? – These are Jyothi’s words

Rose might be seeing things differently and so Jyothi. May be it is Rose’s nature to be like what she is. May be Jyothi just need to understand and realize the same.

Jyothi knew the answer for the question she asked
She just wanted to share
Not for the answer
But for the sake of sharing
I wonder why people share things for the sake of sharing
Why do people ask things for the sake of asking?
Genuine, helpful, sincere - is how Jyothi defines herself.
But in real world, (not in her mind) – is she genuine?
Better she asks herself
The story is one sided- it is just Jyothi’s version as you might have noticed. We never know Rose’s version.

However, Jyothi did similar things to Arun as Rose did to her. So being aware of these things I wonder what Arun feels about Jyothi.

Arun might be asking the same question to himself - ‘When you put your 100% to a relation and when the other person gives only 10% back, what do you do?’

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Empty

Loneliness creeps into each bit of me
Breathing makes me sick
Brain tells me I am independent
Mind shows me blankness
Heart is completely empty
I am alone
Aren’t we all alone?

Except the ‘moments’
Pauses between the moments give us space
Space to be alone and empty
Emptiness feeds my soul
Spiders in my brain is active
Cobwebs in my brain are becoming intense
Ideas are getting caught in the web
Web that might never get removed
Am I responsible for the web?
Or is it the others around me?

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